New Beginnings
I have found myself experiencing a lot of new beginnings this year…
I’ve started a new lyrics journal, I’ve officially launched my new website, I’ve made new friendships and tried new things, and I met, dated, and am now engaged to my future husband. Every time I take a moment to look back at the last six months, I find myself in awe once again at how incredible our God is, and how perfect is His timing. Here are a few glimpses into how God has been working in my life…
Last December, I was one of the few brave souls to lead my youth group’s Christmas party. While I was there, I met a fellow leader named Justin. After becoming friends on Facebook, he reached out for me to make a painting for him. Little did I know, as he was scrolling through my blog with lyrics journal posts, the very clear thought of “This is the woman you are going to marry,” came to his mind. Here was the ice breaker:
The interesting thing about the timing of this piece, is I was not actively seeking commissions. I knew how much joy and fulfillment I received when I got to paint, because each creation was an act of worship. However, the reality was I still needed to make an income. I didn’t see doing art full time as a possibility yet, but I trusted God in his perfect timing. This is due greatly to the fact that I had seen him work before, with each new job that fell into my lap before I even started looking. I found myself at peace with where I was at, knowing there was a purpose behind every opportunity whether I could see it or not. This piece was God’s way of showing me he was still providing for me, not only financially, but I was about to find out he was also providing an answer to two and half years’ worth of prayer…
After I had gone bowling with Justin and a group of friends, he had officially confirmed that I was someday going to be his wife. He has described to me that that night was his interviewing me to be his wife. Of course I had no idea this was going on, but was enjoying getting to know this new person in my life. We finally met up one on one to have coffee after he first tried leaving a voicemail asking me out that weekend (after hanging out once), which I politely ignored…(the asking out part, but not the ‘what I was doing’ question), then I gave him his painting, and I agreed to let him help me with my website. Four hours later, and we spent maybe 30 minutes of those hours talking about my business. We got to know each other more, and as I like to phrase it, he asked all the perfect questions to make me word vomit all over him. I went into this meeting with the mindset of “Don’t go too deep too fast,” because everything seemed way too good to be true. Here I am, about to eat many words I had used to encourage my girls. Words like, “If you focus on your relationship with the Lord, the right man will someday come into your life with God’s perfect timing,” “It’s probably going to happen when you least expect it,” “He is going to make it obvious that he wants to pursue you, so there are no games of wondering what is going on,” and, one of my personal favorites, “If any man wants to pursue me, he is going to have to climb over my giant Jesus wall to ask His permission to date me first.” Here I was, sitting across the table from a man at Cool Beans Coffee, practically sharing my life story as he is doing the same. He is very clearly passionate about the Lord, and has also made it clear that he wants to pursue me. And, wouldn’t you know it? It came when I least expected it to. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and I was even talking about how content I was with where I was at in life. I had to keep asking, “God, is this real?” And it certainly was. Here was the next step in our relationship:
Four thoughts went through my mind during that conversation: 1) That is just a slight step above coffee (One of the fanciest restaurants in the area). 2) I feel tricked (as I thought we were going to the trampoline park from an in person conversation). 3) I did put this on myself, since I gave him free reign to plan the evening. 4) Why not? At that point, he had only been respectful, and never made me feel uncomfortable or like things were moving too fast. I also genuinely wanted to see how the evening would go, because it would be a good indicator of whether or not this could work. February 1, 2018 was the first of several dates, and now we get to continue dating for the rest of our lives :)
Turns out, the evening went quite well. We had another deep conversation, learning more about our pasts, as well as seeing a little more of God’s hand at work. One of those instances is the fact that we know several of the same people, and are friends with the same people, but never met once. I also found out that two mutual friends of ours had tried introducing us a year, and six months before we met, but it wasn’t the right timing. I saw more of Justin’s heart, and how God had been working on it for the past couple of years, and he in turn was able to see what God was doing in my life. We forgot to take any pictures, so decided to reenact the date on our one monthiversary. So picture our cat, Rodney is a fancy chandelier, and the food in front of us is extremely delicious chicken and rice.
One (more) thing I will say about our relationship, is we never stop laughing. I absolutely love the levels of joy that he brings to my life, and I love that we are able to experience that together. It allows for vulnerability and grace, knowing no matter the topic of conversation, we enjoy each others’ company. Our relationship went really fast, because there was no “fluff” in the middle. Every time we would get together, we would talk for hours, deepening the conversations, and building each other up as well. We talked about real stuff, like the fact that Justin had a past with sexual sin. However, another area that God worked in both of our lives is with my only other relationship. It lasted three years, but unfortunately the last year was spent with him thinking of breaking up with me. He was in the Navy, so communication was already difficult, but the wonderful thing about that last year, is I grew more personally and spiritually than I had in my whole life. It was during that year that I learned to lean in to the Lord in all circumstances. I learned how to look for positive things rather than dwell in the negative. I learned patience. This was also the first year I made a lyrics journal, which documented for me all the things God did for me. The biggest thing that I learned was grace. Unconditional grace. As soon as I was broken up with over the phone, I felt a wave of peace wash over me. It was God’s way of telling me that I was going to be okay. It was also Him showing me how much he had done in my life that past year. When my first negative thought was “I feel like I just wasted a year,” my immediate second thought was “That’s a lie. Because look at how much you have grown in this year, and all the things I’ve blessed you with.” I immediately forgave him. Not just in the saying “I forgive you,” way, but truly in my heart, I didn’t have a single negative thought towards him. I haven’t cried about the break up once. And I wish him all the best in life.
That all being said, the entire time God was working on Justin’s heart, rewiring his mind, and helping him walk in freedom, he was also working on mine to receive Justin with absolute grace every single time. The first time I was told about his past, I had the same exact feeling as when I was broken up with. And I immediately forgave him. Had either of us experienced anything else in our lives leading up to our relationship, we probably wouldn’t have worked out. I think about that all the time now, and get overwhelmed with gratitude on how perfectly we were pieced together. But now I am getting way ahead of myself, back to our story:
By date two, we had each talked about our intentions for marriage. Justin said he had complete confidence that the relationship would work out, and he was willing to see it through as far as it would go, and I was not scared away. We had met each others’ families within the first month. Justin came home with me for Easter, and later that month, we went back so he could ask my parents’ permission to marry me. Our conversations went from “I don’t think I can go past 2019 without marrying you,” to “What are your thoughts towards next spring?” to “How about this fall?” June 1, 2018 Justin and I were in Vermont for one of his work trips. We started the day relaxing and seeing sights. We then got ready for a fancy dinner date to celebrate four months of being together. We got to downtown Burlington an hour before our reservation, so we proceeded to enjoy the jazz festival that was going on, then wandered into a mall to cool off. I was the first to spot the photo booth. It didn’t take much arm twisting for Justin to agree to go in. Picture one we smiled. Picture two Justin had the ring out. Picture three he was on one knee. And picture four I had said yes! I ended the evening being engaged. The “Select” button was stuck, so the background of our pictures became bacon themed, so of course that has been the theme for us since then: bacon in our engagement pictures, and bacon included in our breakfast bar wedding reception in just over two months.
