3AM Thoughts...
...Because sometimes God decides you need to wake up at 3AM to reflect on all the incredible blessings He's placed in your life.
After finally deciding going back to bed was not an option, I came downstairs, and now here I am, typing out my thoughts as Spotify is playing my worship playlist, and this song happens to start playing within the same timing of my typing.
There are many thoughts running through my mind, so my apologies in advance should this post make no sense and jump all over the place...Here we go!
Story time: Just over a year ago, I had the opportunity to be a leader for a youth conference called Districts. While I was there, I met the absolutely inspiring artist named Lance Brown (Painted Christ). We had a few good conversations getting to know each other, and shared each others' stories for where the Lord had led us with our art. I was greatly impacted by his story behind starting his ministry, and the path that the Lord had taken him through. The second evening I showed Lance my lyrics journal, and we ended up doing an art exchange. Here is the print I chose, not just because of the colors, but also because of the story behind the creation of this piece, and that it was a total act of worship. Here is the piece he chose, and here (told you I'd send you all over the place...You were warned :) ) is where I ended up hanging my print.
That weekend is what triggered my path towards creating my own art business. I had been told by friends and family for years that I should sell my art, but I never wanted to take away from why I create. Every time I pick up a pen or paint brush, I find myself getting lost in worship. That doesn't necessarily mean I am listening to worship music, although it is definitely present in many areas of my life. How we live our lives can be an act of worship-as it says in Romans 12:1-2:
Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies [dedicating all of yourselves, set apart] as a living sacrifice, holy and well-pleasing to God, which is your rational (logical, intelligent) act of worship. And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].
Worship looks completely different from one person to another, and I think there is such beauty in that. Each of us is specifically designed to engage with the Lord in our own ways, and I love that. We don't have to worry about comparison in that either, because we weren't made to be someone else; we were created with a unique purpose, and we thrive when we realize what that purpose is. Ultimately, that purpose is to have a relationship with the Lord-how we get there is a completely different story often easier said than done. For me, I find my worship style is very expressive, whether I am singing and dancing, painting, or simply enjoying this life I've been given. Oftentimes, my favorite pieces that I create I pay the least amount of attention during, they are made the fastest, and they have the best details. That is because in those moments I am completely engaged with my Abba, and nothing else is distracting me from our dance.
This past year has certainly been filled with many opportunities for growth, as I mentioned in my Eyes to See post. I love looking back, and receiving the awareness of God's hand at work in my life. One of those areas has certainly been my growth as an artist. Back to my story! I didn't want to take away from my "why," and make it feel more like a job than time with the Lord. Speaking with Lance opened my eyes up more to the fact that I still get to engage with the Lord as I create. When I make custom paintings, I have the opportunity to bring glory to God in all that I do, because there is no other explanation I have for the talent I've been given. Yes, there have been several years' worth of education and fine tuning my skills, but at the end of the day I will always point back to my Creator, who designed me in part to be an artist.
Bouncing back up to the top of this post and the painting I made-3AM brain kicking in...I can't help but smile as I picture myself in that dress, a little girl dancing for her Daddy. That phrase, "You make me brave" sends my mind in all sorts of directions. I appreciate the beauty behind words that sound so simple, but they carry with them such deeper meaning:
You make me brave as I joyfully dance before You. You make me brave when I know You will never leave me nor forsake me. You make me brave when you remind me that You are the same yesterday, today, and forever. You make me brave as You pluck me up in my life and plop me into someone else's life with perfect timing. You make me brave when I realize the dreams You've placed on my heart. You make me brave when all I want to do is take back all my mistakes, yet You love me anyways. You make me brave when I don't understand why, because You have something better in store for me. You make me brave as I live my life striving to be a good vessel for Your glory. You make me brave when sometimes the answer is "no." You make me brave as I run to Your throne of grace, that I may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. You make me brave as I learn to be still, and know You are God. You make me brave as I realize that You are holding me in the palm of Your hand. You make me brave when I know You are the LORD God in my midst-a victorious warrior who exults over me with joy, who will be quiet in His love, and will rejoice over me with shouts of joy. You make me brave as I am battle tested, growing into a warrior chick. You make me brave when I know that You will fight for me, and in my weaknesses You are strong. You make me brave as I think about the unfathomable, unconditional love You have for me. <3
